Just Isn't Easy

Poetry just isn't easily achieved for me when I'm upset. I want to but I can't. So here I am hating myself for drawing this out. L, I love you so much. But I can't stand it anymore. Every word I hear just breaks my heart because I remember all the others clearly. She says she misses 6th because we were all friends? I told her that months ago and she stuck up her nose and said she hated it because she was a nerd. I don't understand why she adopted my view but she did. Who knows, maybe I'm the one who's pretending. Babe, I don't want to drain you. She's better for you, that's why I'm doing this. I can't have my craziness hurt everyone. Im no good for you. T, don't hate me for this, I have to. I can't help but hate myself when I can get so upset over someone I don't even love anymore. I want to be here for you. L, if you're still reading T says my world is going to fall apart even more because of this. And it might, but what he doesnt know is that you should always try to get everyone on the lifeboats before the ship sinks. Grab you're lifeboat babydoll, there's only so many offered. I don't know if I'm hoping you'll put up a fight for this or I'm hoping you'll go down easy. I like knowing I'm worth fighting for, but I don't even think I am anymore... maybe it's best if you just let her take care of you. Babe, I just can't deal with it anymore. With Eli in my brain there's no place to run. You have to give up to save everyone else sometimes. I just love you too much to put you through anymore torture. I see it. I always have. I hurt you a lot and I know it. Bad big sister I am. I just need to fade out now. It's the only reasonable conclusion as far as I can see. Love you both. Also, I have a really cool limp right now. Just saying :) Sometimes I think the things I do with the best intentions end the worst for me. Forgiving him only halfway was one of those. She pretended to be mad at him for a little while you know. I always asked her if she was ok first before dating someone she may have liked. She didnt do the same for me. She doesnt ask anymore. She doesnt care. You don't believe me, I know, but it's so true. The acid kills fast but it deceives you first. I watched it killing me for months. I found an antidote and he's the only reason Im still surviving. She doesnt even see it. She doesnt listen. That's why I do. I know how it hurts to be ignored. Especially now. If you want to find me, listen to me first. When running the maze, they try to stop you, but you have to read the hidden codes to get the cure. I still need the cure. I can wait for a while though, promise me you'll both be ok? Please? I can only save so many more before my opportunity is over.

The Story of Us by Taylor Swift
"So many things you wish I knew, but the story of us might be ending soon. Now im standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking and I'm dying to know if it's killing you like it's killing me"
Boom-lay Boom-lay Boom (Diamond eyes) by Shinedown
"I'm on the front line don't worry I'll be fine the story's just beginning. I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to my regrets and now I see the world through diamond eyes..." "What are you worth? The things you love or the people you hurt?"