Your call

By Secondhand Serenade
"Wating on your call I'm sick. I am angry. I am desperate for your voice, listening."
"I'm tired of feeling all alone and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home."
I love the song, the meaning, the lyrics, the artist. Just everything. And it fits my day :P 

Just Isn't Easy

Poetry just isn't easily achieved for me when I'm upset. I want to but I can't. So here I am hating myself for drawing this out. L, I love you so much. But I can't stand it anymore. Every word I hear just breaks my heart because I remember all the others clearly. She says she misses 6th because we were all friends? I told her that months ago and she stuck up her nose and said she hated it because she was a nerd. I don't understand why she adopted my view but she did. Who knows, maybe I'm the one who's pretending. Babe, I don't want to drain you. She's better for you, that's why I'm doing this. I can't have my craziness hurt everyone. Im no good for you. T, don't hate me for this, I have to. I can't help but hate myself when I can get so upset over someone I don't even love anymore. I want to be here for you. L, if you're still reading T says my world is going to fall apart even more because of this. And it might, but what he doesnt know is that you should always try to get everyone on the lifeboats before the ship sinks. Grab you're lifeboat babydoll, there's only so many offered. I don't know if I'm hoping you'll put up a fight for this or I'm hoping you'll go down easy. I like knowing I'm worth fighting for, but I don't even think I am anymore... maybe it's best if you just let her take care of you. Babe, I just can't deal with it anymore. With Eli in my brain there's no place to run. You have to give up to save everyone else sometimes. I just love you too much to put you through anymore torture. I see it. I always have. I hurt you a lot and I know it. Bad big sister I am. I just need to fade out now. It's the only reasonable conclusion as far as I can see. Love you both. Also, I have a really cool limp right now. Just saying :) Sometimes I think the things I do with the best intentions end the worst for me. Forgiving him only halfway was one of those. She pretended to be mad at him for a little while you know. I always asked her if she was ok first before dating someone she may have liked. She didnt do the same for me. She doesnt ask anymore. She doesnt care. You don't believe me, I know, but it's so true. The acid kills fast but it deceives you first. I watched it killing me for months. I found an antidote and he's the only reason Im still surviving. She doesnt even see it. She doesnt listen. That's why I do. I know how it hurts to be ignored. Especially now. If you want to find me, listen to me first. When running the maze, they try to stop you, but you have to read the hidden codes to get the cure. I still need the cure. I can wait for a while though, promise me you'll both be ok? Please? I can only save so many more before my opportunity is over.

The Story of Us by Taylor Swift
"So many things you wish I knew, but the story of us might be ending soon. Now im standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking and I'm dying to know if it's killing you like it's killing me"
Boom-lay Boom-lay Boom (Diamond eyes) by Shinedown
"I'm on the front line don't worry I'll be fine the story's just beginning. I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to my regrets and now I see the world through diamond eyes..." "What are you worth? The things you love or the people you hurt?"

Snowglobe

Glitter falling serenly.
Light filtering through the water,
but we aren't drowning.
We're smiling in a winter wonderland.
Watching life go by,
and we wonder why.
We are inside this globe in a peaceful place.
While joy and choas outside coincide,
but in here we are safe swimming in our peaceful tide.
We watch the holiday pass with a blur.
Not moving just smiling.
Until one day the green tree is taken down.
Our smiles turn to frowns.
We watch the clean up occur.
Until our globe is picked up.
We are shaken around,
picked up one last time.
Then we are placed in a dark box
the box we'll be in until next year's holiday.
Until then we can swim and play,
while waiting for the eventful day
when we will be the center of attention once again.

Fine by Me (Continued)

A lovely song by Andy Grammar that Colbie Calliat features in. I heard it live recently and really liked it and found a liking for Andy as well. (The song "Biggest man in Los Angeles" is great) I just like the song, the lyrics, the whole shebang. Here's the lyrics though for a quick scan :) Enjoy listening if you decide to
You're not the type
Type of girl to remain
With the guy, with the guy too shy
Too afraid to say, he'll give his heart to you forever
I'm not the boy that will fall to his knees
With his hands clenched tight
Begging, begging you please
To stay with him for worse and for better
But I'm staring at you now There's no one else around I'm thinking you're the girl for me
I'm just saying it's fine by me If you never leave And we can live like this forever It's fine by me
In the past I would try
Try hard to commit to a girl
 Wouldn't get too far
And it always somehow seemed to fall apart
And with you, you, you I can see what I need
I can dream realistically
I knew that this was different from the start
And it seems that every time
We're eye to eye
I can find another piece of you
That I don't wanna lose 
 And I'm staring at you now There's no one else around I'm thinking you're the girl I need
I'm just saying it's fine by me If you never leave And we can live like this forever It's fine by me
I'm just saying it's fine by me If you never leave And we can live like this forever It's fine by me
And it's never easy
Darling, believe me I'm as sceptical as you
When I think of life without 'us'
She's like "what we supposed to do?"
But I don't wanna come on too strong
I'm just saying it's fine by me If you never leave We can live like this forever It's fine by me

Fine by me (Good Andy Grammar song also ;P Just different for details)

Don't you just hate it when everyone seems to rely on one answer? Time just stops and everyone freezes and waits for you to spit out the answer they want to hear? "I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me. Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I'm only looking at you." (Speak now by Taylor Swift) Even without being able to look at you while talking I know which answers need some tweaking from the truth. I try to be honest all the time for you. But then sometimes I know that it doesn't matter. Sure, I might want you to stay, but there are better ways to use your time than trying to fix pieces of glass that are broken. We already tried that. It didnt work.
Plus, "fine" is a relative term. Compared to some, I am much more than fine. I am downright blessed. I have so much and I dont even realize it and there are people with nothing who hurt everyday and dont say a word. So yes, I'm fine. But compared to how you want me to be, no I am messed up. But the funny thing is, you can console me and it'll help but I'll still have to make up the difference myself. So I won't make you fix me when I'm capable of doing it myself, That's just silly. I'm sorry I can't be honest with you about that. But I know that fine knows no limits. I just have to tell myself I'm fine and I will be again until another tide comes in. At that point I hope you'll be able to laugh at me as I come out of the water with my soaking wet hair over my face like seaweed and I'm spluttering out water and giggling while trying to make my bathing suit look like a bathing suit again.
I'll be ok you just gotta wait it out. My love for you and this world will wait it out too :)

Waitress

"Dear baby,
I hope someday someone wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight. And thats all. They don't look at your face or pull away or try to kiss you. Just wrap their arms around you and hold you there. Everyone needs someone like that."
"I was addicted to saying things, baby, and having them matter to someone."

He is good

Song for today: Mama's song by Carrie Underwood. I love it for the lyrics. They're helping me get through today while looking forward to tomorrow.
"I think I found the answer to your prayers and he is good, so good. He treats your little girl like a real man should. He is good, so good. He makes promises he keeps. No, he's never gonna leave, so don't you worry about me."